My friends think I hate you,
Because I say your name with a higher tone higher than my own pride.
Because when I mentioned you in my words, my words seems to cut deep like a blunt knife
But i dont,
It’s just the wounds peeling themselves, bleeding into a river of reminding me the pain that I have to swallow everyday with every bit of food that stales less than my heart.
My tongue, twisted and pulled in utterless speech to cry out my tears that I nearly ran out when I cried on my praying mat night after night begging god to end my life.
My hands, trembles, to catch the tears that slowly caresses my cheeks in the morning when I woke up suffocated when my weakened heart refuses to breath anymore.
My heart, nailed to the edge of the cliff that overlooks the horizon of hope that fades and burns with the coldest fire.
I wanted to throw my heart into the sea, hoping that she would claim it to her depth.
I wanted to throw myself too hoping the sea could accept me in her cold embrace as I slowly fall deeper into the abyss.
At least,
At least,
The pain is over.
I don’t hate you.
I hate the pain you left for me.
White Knight 